For the past several days, I've displayed the cardinal signs of depression - loss of appetite, anhedonia, dysphoria, and loss of the will to live (or loss of the meaning of life). I think it has to do with being unsatisfied with my future job as a pharmacist. The lack of high wages and lack of respect from the public really hurts. But this is life, and in life, we have to take blows like a man. It's no use whining and hiding behind the veil of depression. Sure, I have friends who will end up being more successful than myself (eg. lawyers, commercial air pilots, doctors, accountants) but you must remember that my failure is not 100% my responsibility. These people had other resources to tap into - financial support and security from their parents, guidance from their parents, and self-confidence stemming from reasonably attractive bodies and faces. Alas, I am at a dead end. There is really no room for progress. My only hope in life now is to accumulate a pitifully low monthly savings, divert it to the stock market, and pray dearly that my investments would double in 10 or 20 years time. I hate relying on luck. I hate having to gamble. But unfortunately, life (a combination of my poor decisions and fate) has led me to where I am today. I am without a future, all I can do, is put up with this pitful job 5 days a week 8 hours a day for the rest of my working existence. Life is sad when you are stuck in a vocation you have learned to hate. Life is even sadder when you are a prisoner in foreign territory. Life must go on. No matter how disappointed you are. To live to be brave. To give up is to be a coward. My mom keeps telling me how others are making a mediocre sum of money as well. But I say, they are blessed in other ways. At least they are able to live in their homeland. At least they have their family with them. At least, they have a chance of promotion and may someday rise to higher ranks. As for me, it's pretty much over. At least until I wake up...or maybe until I die?